Earlyface

I’ll be the first to admit I love modern
technology – I’m writing this on a laptop
with my iPhone close at hand and my iPad
within 10 feet of me. But some small joys
and triumphs are ruined now because we
have everything readily available at our
fingertips. Here are just five of those little
joys.
1. Bar Bets
I can’t say I’ve ever actually participated in a
bar bet, exactly, but I HAVE been in bars in
the age before we could call up IMDb at a
moment’s notice. And let me tell you,
debates over exact movie quotes or “what is
this dude’s name we’re looking at right
now?” just aren’t as fun nowadays. There’s
no debate, there’s no high anger at your
friends, and there are definitely no thrown
drinks when someone doesn’t agree with
you! Because we can prove it immediately!
And what’s the fun in that?
2. Fan Letters to Movie Stars
Now, apparently you can still write letters to
movie stars. But what’s the point when
almost everyone is so accessible on twitter?
It’s your birthday? Ask for a RT or birthday
message and BAM! It might happen. Want to
promote your short film just tag your
favorite celeb in the tweet! The mystique of
celebrities is all gone. We get pictures of
them doing all the same things we do, we
see 100s of interviews with them.
Sometimes I just want to send away for an
autographed photo, no questions asked.
WHERE IS THE DIGNITY, ANYMORE?!
3. Paper Maps
I am very reliant on my Garmin and the
Google Maps app on my phone. But when I
was a kid I used to have to navigate via a
paper map. (This isn’t a joke, I was often put
in charge of figuring out where we were
going in the car when I was a child.) And it
is frustrating. Have you even looked at a
paper map recently? It doesn’t even talk to
you. So disappointing.
4. Developing Pics and Getting the Wrong
Ones Back
Remember before there was a TV show that
there was just a 1989 movie called
Parenthood? Well, I loved it. And one of my
favorite parts is when Martha Plimpton and
Keanu Reeves have taken dirty photos of
themselves and her mom, Dianne Wiest gets
them instead, since she has the same last
name. This kind of hilarity can’t ensue
anymore since all of our photos pretty much
exist on our phones. I guess you could still
have the “Who’s Instagram photos did I get
back from Walgreens?” thing if you and
your mom both feel the need to print your
selfies out. But that’s just not quite the same.
5. Prank Calls
Everyone’s favorite prankster, Bart Simpson
loves a prank phone call. But ever since we
got caller ID or the trusty *69 (so many
missed joke opportunities – since this came
out when I was naïve … and in middle
school) the ability to hide who you are on a
phone call has become further away from a
real possibility. Now we can’t teach kids the
‘ol “is your refrigerator running?” or “Can I
speak to Ms. Tinkle? Ivanna Tinkle.”