Earlyface

“Ladies, it’s time to change our misguided dating
ways once and for all.”
It wasn’t long ago that women likely felt they
brought little to the marriage table. After the dowry
went out of fashion, women were largely high
school educated women looking for a husband to
“take care of them.”
Today, however, the landscape of marriage and the
position of women in society are quite different.
More women are enrolled in and graduate college
than men, and, overall, women’s liberation was a
success.
But with all this empowerment, why do so many
women still suck at dating?
Here are common mistakes women dating
mistakes women make:
1. Pretending To Be Something You’re Not
We should always present the best version of
ourselves in any situation — dates included. Where
we get off track is when we alter our authenticity to
match a perceived need in the man. If he loves
sailing, we eagerly agree while making a mental
note to pick up a case of Dramamine in the event a
quick summons to the yacht club occurs.
Presenting a distorted reality of ourselves dooms
us to a prison of falsehood and pressure.
Like everything else in life, the truth isn’t something
you have to remember. Just be yourself. Reveal
your true opinions, even if they run contrary to
those of your date.
We’re not trying to secure a second date; we’re
attempting to build a relationship with someone to
whom we’re already mildly attracted. Find out early
if your personalities are incompatible; it will save
heartache down the road.
2. Having Completely Unrealistic Expectations
Getting to truly know someone takes a while, often
a long while. Through dating and being put in
various situations, we learn the nature of the
person we’re dating. Detach yourself from the
outcome. If a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean the
relationship was bad. It simply means it didn’t have
legs to go the distance. Live in the present, enjoy
each date regardless of if there’s another one and
let the relationship evolve. What happens will
happen — if not, c’est la vie.
3. Needing A Lot Of Attention (And Losing Yourself
In The Relationship)
When a date is great, it’s very normal to want to
experience it again … and soon! Don’t allow your
life to shift to focus solely on your new love
interest. Don’t lose yourself in the relationship or
expect him to do the same.
Thankfully the advent of the cell phone eliminated
the “staying home and sitting by the phone” trap
that many women fell into. If a guy calls you up last
minute to go sailing, it’s OK to say you’re otherwise
occupied. We should never need a man (or anyone
for that matter). His actions are his responsibility.
If he doesn’t call you for a week, it doesn’t
necessarily that mean he’s just not that into you.
He has family and friends to hang out with and
things he wants to do. Women should do the same.
4. Revealing Too Much About Your Past
Relationships
We’ve all been hurt. It’s part of life. Nothing’s
guaranteed in this life, especially in relationships. A
bad ending, as Tom Cruise so wisely said in
Cocktail, is the only way relationships end. (“If they
weren’t bad, they wouldn’t end.”) Perhaps our error
is in not pulling the plug when we see the third red
flag rather than waiting for the twentieth.
Not every man needs to hear the gory details of
our past relationships. Let the ghosts of
relationships past stay where they are: in the past.
Other than disclosing pertinent information that
impacts our current life, why add dirt to clean
water? We think it’s giving our date information
about who we are and why we have the views we
have, yet what it seems like to the man is a list of
things not to do. Lovely, the first date already has a
HoneyDon’t List. It’s not fair to hold anyone
responsible for the actions of another. Let the past
go, and enter each relationship as a new
experience.
We learn about ourselves through each
relationship. Be grateful for every experience, even
the painful ones. We learn what we can tolerate
and what we can’t.
Women need to recognize their empowerment.
We’re not auditioning for the lead part in his movie.
Relationships are as complex as they are
rewarding. No one should ever complete you. They
should complement you (and vice versa).
Go into dating as if you’re meeting a new friend.
Love will evolve naturally, not only by sharing a
love for sailing.