Earlyface

1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It?s not just futile, it?s physically impossible.

2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we?re even dumb enough to admit it.

3. Don?t ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it.

4. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it.

5. Ever notice how we don?t fight with our male friends? That?s why we get so frustrated when we fight with you.

6. You care what you?re wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you?re naked when you open the front door, you won?t hear an argument from us.

7. You don?t like to get hit on in public, you don?t want to date online and you don?t want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we?re all over it.

8. There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.

9. Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it.

10. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys!
11. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn?t mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway.

12. Your nice guy friends are the most reliable source for telling you if your new boyfriend?s a jerk. And he probably is. (By the way, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who?s giving you advice about the jerk.)