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Author Topic: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes  (Read 1547 times)

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Offline JetoRaphy

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Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« on: November 10, 2012, 06:35:50 am »

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved.

The parents were at their wits end as 2 what 2 do about their sons behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.

The husband said "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!" The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.

The 8 year old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God'" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God'" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boys face, "WHERE IS GOD'" At that point the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened'" The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it."
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2012, 06:36:35 am »
A female teacher was having a problem wit a boy in her class of JSS 2. The boy said, teacher, i should be in SS3, ?'m smarter dan my sister ... and she's in the SS3.

The {Teacher}had heard enough of his complains & took the boy to the Principal's office. She explained everythin 2d Principal who decided to test D boy wit sum questions dat a SS3 should know.

Principal: Whats 36 + 36
Boy: 72

Principal: 36 x 36
Boy: 1,296

The Principal asked D boy many questions & D boy got dem right. The Principal then asked D teacher 2 send the boy to SS 3. The teacher refuse & decided to ask some more questions and the Principal agreed.

Teacher: What does a cow have 4 of, that i av only 2 of?
Boy: Legs

Teacher: What's in ur pants that u hv but I dont have?
Boy: Pockets

Teacher: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft and sticky?
(The principal's eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.)
Boy: Bubble Gum

Teacher: U stick ur poles inside me. U tie me down to get me up, I get wet before u do. What am i
Boy: Tent
(The principal was looking restless)

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When ?'m not well, I drip. When u blow me, u feel good?
Boy: Nose

Teacher: i av a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver
Boy: Arrow

Teacher: What starts wit 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if u dont get it, u av to use ur hand?
Boy: Fork

Teacher: Whats it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his. and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles wit lots of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart

The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher: Please Send this boy to a University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself.. :D Do av a lovely day
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2012, 06:37:18 am »
A priest was called away for an emergency.

Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.

The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.

The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says,

"Father forgive me for I have sinned."

The priest asks,

"What did you do?".

The woman says,

"I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.

He says,

"Father forgive me for I have sinned".

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery."

Priest:"How many times?"

Man: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters and says,

"Father forgive me for I have sinned".

Rabbi: "What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery."

Rabbi: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go and do it two more times. We have a special offer this week, three adulteries for $5."
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2012, 06:38:23 am »
Behind every successful man, there is a WOMAN... If you need more success.....increas e the number, that's all
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2012, 06:39:48 am »
A female teacher was having a problem wit a boy in her class of JSS 2. The boy said, teacher, i should be in SS3, ?'m smarter dan my sister ... and she's in the SS3.

The {Teacher}had heard enough of his complains & took the boy to the Principal's office. She explained everythin 2d Principal who decided to test D boy wit sum questions dat a SS3 should know.

Principal: Whats 36 + 36
Boy: 72

Principal: 36 x 36
Boy: 1,296

The Principal asked D boy many questions & D boy got dem right. The Principal then asked D teacher 2 send the boy to SS 3. The teacher refuse & decided to ask some more questions and the Principal agreed.

Teacher: What does a cow have 4 of, that i av only 2 of?
Boy: Legs

Teacher: What's in ur pants that u hv but I dont have?
Boy: Pockets

Teacher: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft and sticky?
(The principal's eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.)
Boy: Bubble Gum

Teacher: U stick ur poles inside me. U tie me down to get me up, I get wet before u do. What am i
Boy: Tent
(The principal was looking restless)

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When ?'m not well, I drip. When u blow me, u feel good?
Boy: Nose

Teacher: i av a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver
Boy: Arrow

Teacher: What starts wit 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if u dont get it, u av to use ur hand?
Boy: Fork

Teacher: Whats it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his. and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles wit lots of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart

The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher: Please Send this boy to a University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself.. :D Do av a lovely day
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2012, 06:40:25 am »
A young girl was talking to her boyfriend in USA on the phone and said,

"Baby listen to track 2 of P square's New album (CHOP MY MONEY) you'll like it."

After a while, the boy replied to the girl and said,

"I have listened to the track it's cool and I think you should listen to track 9 of that

same P square's album (OLE BURUKU). Am sure you'll like it."
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #6 on: November 10, 2012, 06:40:59 am »
An old woman boarded a bus 2 Lagos from Calabar, and told the driver; "driver, if u reach Benin stop me o!

"The driver nodded and then she shouted again" my children, una don hear wetin I tell am? Everybody responded 'YES MA'.

On the long journey 2 Lagos, everybody slept off but dis woman never blinked.

They never knew dat she dosn't know Benin.

After several hrs of driving and Lagos close-by, with Benin about 4hrs behind, the woman den asked; 'driver you never reach Benin ni?'

'Ooh!! the driver exclaimed.

Mama Benin is like 4 hours behind us.

The woman screamed and started crying "take me back to Benin abeg I no wan wahala o!!!"

After all said and done, and considering the age of the woman, it was agreed that the driver should turn back 2 Benin.

On gettn 2 Benin, the driver came down, opened the door and told the woman to drop as she ws already in Benin.

The woman simply opened her hand bag, brought out a sachet of panadol, removed two tablets and swallowed with the bottled water she was holding.

She then smiled and said; 'Na my daughter say if I reach Benin, make I take 2
tablets of panadol'.

Oya! Make we go Lagos.......... .Hahahaha....
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #7 on: November 10, 2012, 06:41:36 am »
Wife: can u help me in garden?

Husband: wat do u think i m Gardner??

Wife: can u fix door handle?

Husband: wat do u think i m carpenter??

In the evening when husband came from d work he saw everything has been fixed.

He asked who fixed this.

Wife: our neighbour.

But he gave me 2 options, either i give him burger or a kiss.

Husband: I am sure u must have give burger.

Wife: what do u think i m. M'Donalds?? LMAO!!!
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #8 on: November 10, 2012, 06:42:20 am »


Lady: Hi, Good morning

Radio Station: Good morning, what can we do for you?

Lady: Please I will like two tickets for today show holding ds wkend

Radio Station: well, u can have d tickets only if u can play a prank on sum1 on air n make them believe it.

Lady: Dat?s ok

Radio Station: Ar u married? Do u have kids?

Lady: Yes, n I have a son

Radio Station: Gud. U will call your husband n tell him he is not d father of your son.

Lady: Wow, dat?s a big one.

Radio Station: Well, it depends on how bad u want d tickets, n anyway we will be live on air listening n also to step in 2 tell him it?s all a prank.

Lady: Ok. Let?s do dis cos I rly want d tickets

Radio Station: Ok. Where is he right now?

Woman: He is in d office. His numba is? (Radio Station calls d husband)

Lady: hello luv.

Husband: hi baby

Lady: how is work?

Husband: Gud! Can?t wait to get back home n make sweet luv to u

Lady: Me too luv. But em? Dia?s sumtn I nid to tell u

Husband: Ok, I?m all ears dear

Lady: U know I luv u?

Husband: Yes I do

Lady: And we promised to always b sincere to each oda?

Husband: Yes we did. U are startn to scare me dear, pls, what?s ds abt?

Lady: Sumtn happend in my office 9yrs ago.

Husband: Wat happend?

Lady: D annual xmas party we have in d office, 9 yrs ago I got so drunk n had sex wt a co-worker?em, u r not d father of oyour son

Husband: WAT!

Lady: I just felt u shud know.

Husband: Ar u crazy?

Lady: Am sori luv; I just needed to get it off my chest.

Husband: I can?t believe dis.

Lady: I?m sorry luv, pls 4give me.

Husband: U want 4giveness? Ok, u too 4giv dis, I have bn sleepn wt your sista 4 d past 5 years.

Radio Station: Oh God!

Lady: Wat did u say?

Husband: U heard me; we just confessed oyour sins to each oda. Is dia sum1 dia wt u?

Radio Station: Sir, ds is Pranks FM n u r on air. We askd your wife to play a prank on u so u guys can get tickets to go whatch today's live show ds wkend.

Husband: Oh ****! **** up
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #9 on: November 10, 2012, 06:43:14 am »
Men are like Bluetooth:
They are connected to their women are nearby, but searches for other devices (women) when they are away..

Women are like Wi-Fi:
They see all available devices (men) but connects to the strongest one (finance or resources) ..
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #10 on: November 10, 2012, 06:43:44 am »
RICH AND POOR

Once A Rich and Poor man meet each other and they started talking.

Rich man - Today, I have 14 cars, 18 bikes, 20 house and 25 farm house. What do you have poor fellow?

Poor man - I have a son who's girlfriend is your daughter.she is your only doughter she is your next of kin and she is pregnant for my son and he is her next of kin. :D
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #11 on: November 10, 2012, 06:44:17 am »
Friendship between women
A wife was not at home for the whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment overnight. So, the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends
and none of them confirms that.

Friendship between men
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartment that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.....Hehehehehe
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #12 on: November 10, 2012, 06:44:58 am »
Akpors said to his wife, honey, I have a problem at work o, and its a big challenge to our marriage.

Wife: Sweetheart, Don't say 'I' again but always say 'we', because We are now ONE, your problem is my problem.

Akpors: Hmmmm..Ok honey, Emmm... OUR secretary is pregnant for us at work o..

*GUYS, what do u think the wife should do?
   

Offline JetoRaphy

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #13 on: November 10, 2012, 06:45:49 am »
DROP YOU OWN JOKES HERE!!
I'LL BE BACK.
   

Offline LAVILA<Jp>

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Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2013, 09:55:45 pm »
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.



Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"



"About 35," was the reply.



"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.



After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.



The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".



"I am actually 47."



Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.



She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."



As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.



Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."



Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"



The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
   
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    Offline nizzypaul

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    Re: Laugh Like A Kid - Earlyface Funny Jokes
    « Reply #15 on: September 04, 2013, 12:12:19 pm »
    @jetoraphy u r a genius cus u av just made my day wit dis joke of urs @lavilla u r just a sweet babe

     

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