Happy people do a lot of things. They spend
time expressing gratitude, cultivating
optimism, practicing kindness, nurturing
loving relationships, committing to
meaningful goals, savoring life’s little
pleasures, and so on and so forth.
But they NEVER…
1. Mind other people’s business.
Forget about what others are doing. Stop
looking at where they are and what they
have. Nobody is doing better than you
because nobody can do better than you.
YOU are walking your own path. Sometimes
the reason we struggle with insecurity is
because we compare our behind-the-scenes
circumstances with everyone else’s public
highlight reel. We listen to the noise of the
world, instead of ourselves. So stop the
comparisons! Ignore the distractions.
Listen to your own inner voice. Mind your
own business.
Keep your best wishes and your biggest
goals close to your heart and dedicate time
to them every day. Don’t be scared to walk
alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it. Don’t
let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity
stop you from being the best you can be.
Keep doing what you know in your heart is
right, for YOU. Because when you are
focused on meaningful work and at peace
within yourself, almost nothing can shake
you. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail
in the “Passion and Growth” chapter of
1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People
Do Differently.)
2. Seek validation of self-worth
from others.
When you are content to simply be yourself,
without comparing and competing to
impress others, everyone worthwhile will
respect you. And even more importantly,
you will respect yourself.
How are you letting others define you?
What would you do differently if you knew
nobody would judge you?
Truth be told, no one has the right to judge
you. People may have heard your stories,
and they may think they know you, but they
can’t feel what you are going through; they
aren’t living YOUR life. So forget what they
think and say about you. Focus on how you
feel about yourself, and keep walking the
path that feels best under your feet.
Those who accept you are your friends.
Those who don’t are your teachers. If
someone calls you something and it’s true,
it’s not your problem because it’s true. If
someone calls you something and it’s not
true, it’s not your problem because it’s not
true. Either way, whatever they call you is
not your problem. What other people call
you is their problem…
What you call yourself, and who you decide
to become, is your problem.
3. Rely on other people and
external events for happiness.
Unhappiness lies in that gap between what
we have now and what we think we need.
But the truth is, we don’t need to acquire
anything more to be content with what we
already have. We don’t need anyone else’s
permission to be happy. Your life is
magnificent not because someone says it is,
or because you have acquired something
new, but because you choose to see it as
such. Don’t let your happiness be held
hostage. It is always yours to choose, to live
and experience.
As soon as you stop making everyone and
everything else responsible for your
happiness, the happier you’ll be. If you’re
unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault.
Take full responsibility for your own
unhappiness, and you will instantly gain the
ability to be happier. Stop seeking in vain to
arrange conditions that will make you
happy. Simply choose to appreciate the
greatness that is yours in this moment, and
the right conditions will start to line up
around the contentment you seek.
The greater part of your happiness or
unhappiness depends upon your outlook,
and not upon our situation. Even if things
aren’t perfect right now, think of all the
beauty still left around you. A good reason
to smile is always one thought away; choose
to tap into it any time you like. (Read The
Gifts of Imperfection.)
4. Hold on to resentment.
Let today be the day you stop being haunted
by the ghosts from your past. What
happened in the past is just one chapter in
your story; don’t close the book, just turn
the page.
We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions
and by others, and while the pain of these
experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers
for too long. Feelings of resentment urge us
to relive the same pain over and over, and
we have a hard time letting go.
Forgiveness is the remedy. It allows you to
focus on the future without combating the
past. To understand the infinite potential of
everything going forward is to forgive
everything already behind you. Without
forgiveness, wounds can never be healed
and personal growth can never be
achieved. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the
past, or forgetting what happened. It
means you’reletting go of the resentment
and pain, and instead choosing to learn
from the incident and move on with your
life.
5. Spend prolonged periods of time
in negative environments.
You can’t make positive choices for the rest
of your life without an environment that
makes those choices easy, natural, and
enjoyable. So protect your spirit and
potential from contamination by limiting
your time with negative people and the
environments they inhabit.
When other people invite you to act like
victims, when they whine and moan about
the unfairness of life, for example, and ask
you to agree, to offer condolences, and to
participate in their grievances, WALK AWAY.
When you join in that game of negativity
you always lose.
Even when you’re alone, create a positive
mental space for yourself. Make it a point to
give up all the thoughts that make you feel
bad, or even just a few of them that have
been troubling you, and see how doing that
changes your life. You don’t need negative
thoughts. They are all lies. They solve
nothing. All they have ever given you is a
false self that suffers for no reason. (Read
Buddha’s Brain.)
6. Resist the truth.
It is a certain deathtrap when we spend our
lives learning how to lie, because eventually
these lies grow so strong in our minds that
we become bad at seeing, telling and living
our own truth. Lives come apart so easily
when they have been held together with
lies. If you resist the truth, you will live a lie
every day as the truth haunts your thoughts
every night. You simply can’t get away from
your truth by moving dishonestly from one
place to the next.
So don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try
to hide the truth with deception; don’t edit
your own soul according to the fashion of
what’s popular. It is better to offer no
explanation or excuse than a false one. It
takes courage and strength to admit the
truth, but it is the only way to truly live.
Accept what is, embrace it fully, and live for
the possibilities that lie ahead.